While I’m sure there are many of you who may not ever fully understand my point of view about enjoying the time that you get by being single, I want to reiterate that learning to love yourself no matter what your life stage is really the only way to grow and become the person who God truly wants you to be. If you’re so focused on the dread and despair that often comes with being single, then you’re not likely spreading God’s joy to others, at least, not as effectively as you could. Like I’ve mentioned in other posts, it’s beyond difficult to spread joy to others when you lack it yourself. I’m by no means saying that I am always a big ball of sunshine (my family and friends can adamantly attest that I’m typically quite the Negative Nancy). However, since I’ve learned to see my singleness as a gift, rather than a prison sentence, I’ve been able to find joy in more aspects of life. This in turn allows me to share with others (both in person and through this blog) the joy that I’ve found through my relationship with God. If you’re having a hard time coming up with reasons to love or even just “kinda like” your singleness then let me share with you my top 10 reasons to love being single.
- More time to do what I want to do
I’m a huge proponent of “me time.” If I ever do get married, my future husband is going to have to be ok being on his own for periods of time. “Me time” is the time spent doing what helps me to unwind and care for myself. As someone who has struggled my entire life (literally since childhood) with generalized anxiety, I’ve come to the realization recently that self care is SUPER important to your wellbeing and I think that God completely agrees. While God certainly calls each of us to work and be in action, He also makes time for rest and leisure. God, Himself, even took one day for rest after He created the world. And Jesus went away from others for a time in order to be with the Father and recharge on his journey. Jesus even encouraged the disciples to do the same.
Mark 6: 31-32 states “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.”
So while being single may seem like a burden, it can give you more time to do things for yourself (might I suggest reading your bible and spending time with God?) to recharge. Action is good. Rest is good. And when you’re single, you get to be more in control of your action and rest, so enjoy it for the gift that it is.
2. Being able to manage my own finances
I’m not sure if this will sound selfish, but being in control on my finances without having to consult with someone else is one of the greatest things that I love about being single. If I want to give extra to the church, I only need to worry about what I spend because nobody else is withdrawing money from my account (and if they are, then I have a big problem that I need to take up with my bank). If I want to go on a trip somewhere that will help me to get in touch with the beauty of nature that God has blessed us all with, so be it. Heck, even if I want a new sweater, I don’t have a husband to consult with. While I’m in no way condoning reckless spending and I firmly believe in consulting with GOD about your financial situations, as a single person I don’t need to worry about another human influencing my spending. I have come to discover that the more I give my finances to God, the more I find that He’s changing my heart to know when I really NEED something versus when I just WANT something. So revel in the fact that your finances are only being influenced by your relationship with God and listen to His wisdom during this time of singleness.
I love to travel. It is actually one of my life goals to eventually set foot on every continent at least once. So far I only have 3 down, but since I’m single I don’t have to worry about budgeting for 2 to travel somewhere. If I want to pack a bag and book a trip to Peru tomorrow (I probably wouldn’t do that, but I totally could) I can without having to worry if the other person can get time off of work or if it would work with their schedule or would we be able to afford 2 plane tickets? I believe that travel is one of the greatest ways to explore God’s creation. Seeing the beauty in the landscape of New Zealand or standing next to the awe inspiring size of the Eiffel tower in Paris (which you might say was not “God made,” but who do you think gave the architects, engineers, and contractors the talent and ability to create something so beautiful?) really helps to put in to perspective how small you really are. This makes it all the more amazing that God knows you by name and that He would go to such great lengths to ensure that He gets to spend eternity with you! While I’m aware that there are many happy couples who love to travel together, I find it to be one of the things that I do love about being single because I think that you gain a different perspective when travelling with friends or alone if you so choose, than you would if you travelled with a spouse.
4. Less distraction from what really matters
What really matters to you most in life? Is it your career? Your family? Finding a spouse so you can finally “be happy?” When you learn to accept and love yourself in your singleness then you can be free from all of those other distractions that take your time and mental energy away from the things that matter in life. Being single allows me to focus my energy on spending time with God, working on my career, volunteering, and giving to others. That’s not to say that married couples can’t spend time with God, have flourishing careers, or volunteer, but when you’re single, you aren’t dependent on the opinion or motivation of another person to participate in those things. I know many married couples who have disagreements over not spending enough time in the word, or spending too much time at church. I also know many couples who disagree about working or one person may become upset that the other doesn’t want to volunteer with them. Either way, as a single person, my energy is mine to spend however I see fit, and that’s something to love about being single.
5. Feeling extra blessed when I accomplish something without having another person to rely on
Now, I honestly believe that you should always celebrate your accomplishments no matter what your relationship status and I’m not saying that couples don’t celebrate with each other. I’m simply saying that when you don’t have someone cheering you on (which I’d hope most spouses and boyfriend/girlfriends would do) it makes you rely more on God to get you through tough times. When I went through grad school I was depressed because I didn’t have a husband, like a few girls in my class, and at the beginning I didn’t know anyone and had no friends, while living in a strange city. When I finally graduated 2 years later I was so excited and felt so much closer to God because He was the only one that I had with me to get me through the stress, self doubt, and many near nervous breakdowns that I experienced during that time. If I’d had a husband (who may or may not have been supportive, let’s be real) I would likely have depended on him to help me get through the roller coaster of emotions that I experienced and I may not have learned to fully depend on God’s strength, wisdom, and peace. And for that, I am grateful!
6. Not having to cook or clean up after someone else
This one is just practical. Nearly all of my married friends (with a few exceptions) have complained at one point or another that they hate having to cook for and clean up after their husband. I don’t know about you, but I can barely clean up after myself most days, and I don’t mind that. But I wouldn’t want to have to clean up after someone else because let’s face it, if you don’t keep up on the mess, it just gets too out of control. Also, I’m not great at cooking, but if I get home from a long day at work and feel like eating cereal and milk for dinner, it’s nice to know that I can do that without having to make a mess making dinner for someone else. I’m sure that God has a guy somewhere who will be my perfect match because he loves to cook and clean, but for now, I’m content with just having to take care of my own needs.
7. Time to explore new hobbies, passions
Over the past few years I’ve been fortunate to have the time to explore different hobbies and have found a few new passions that I likely, would not have discovered had I been in a relationship. I know that many couples like to try new things together and that’s great (I hope to one day find someone I can explore the world with, too). But just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you can’t also explore new hobbies and discover new passions that help to fuel you. Without this time alone, I’m not sure that I would have sought out other things to occupy my time and brain energy. I’m so grateful that God has given me the chance to explore who I am and what I enjoy before I ever get tied down in a relationship.
8. Being able to foster other kinds of relationships
This one is one of my favorite reasons to love being single. I think I’ve mentioned this story before, so I apologize in advance if you’ve read this one. When I was a senior in college, I had a friend who got married. We were the best of friends before she dropped out to be with a guy she’d met over the summer during our sophomore year. I was her maid of honor, helped her get things together, supported her emotionally when they had to change the wedding date because they’d both been laid off, and even contributed my time to helping her make the wedding what she wanted. After the wedding was over, she didn’t have the time to talk to me anymore. Like, literally didn’t talk to me. I called her maybe a month after the wedding, just to catch up and see how she was doing with no return to my message. I tried calling her a couple of months later and then a few months after that, but she did not return any of my calls, texts, or emails. Truth be told, I haven’t spoken to her since her wedding day. She reached out to me a few years after the wedding, but by that time I’d moved on and didn’t have the emotional energy to attempt to maintain that relationship any longer.
When you’re in a couple, you’re busy, I get it. All of my married or coupled friends typically spend more time with their spouses/ significant others than they do with me or our group of friends. And I’m not saying that’s bad, it takes work to make a relationship last. By being single, I’ve discovered that I have the chance to really spend the time fostering relationships of my choosing. I get to make new friends and focus my attention on that person when they need me. I get to spend time with them without having to check in with someone else about what “our” schedule looks like. I think that this is really a blessing that many of us singles take for granted, but don’t realize it until it’s too late. So capitalize on your singleness and really make the effort to foster your friendships and forge strong bonds with your family because once you’re part of a couple, the whole dynamic changes and you’ll need that strong base to fall back on.
9. Developing a unique perspective of the world
The majority of people in the world want to get married or at least be part of a couple. While there are a few exceptions, the norm is typically to be paired off with someone else. While it can sometimes be embarrassing, demoralizing, or otherwise frustrating having to answer the dreaded “are you married?” question, we also get a unique view of the world that married people tend to overlook. We get the chance to maximize our independence from others in regard to many things, but we especially get to hone in our dependence on God. While your married friends get to rely on their spouses for moral support, financial support, and all of the others things we tend to expect from our spouses, we get to practice true reliance on our all knowing, all loving God because we don’t have that same support that our friends get from their significant others. We also get the chance to rely on God for other things, like our safety (ever travelled somewhere by yourself?), our finances, and our overall perspective and place in the world, rather than the money, status, or security that can come with having a spouse. I’m not saying that every married person has all of these things, but there are some people who marry for money, status, and security. The world is a beautiful place and without another person distracting you from all of the glory and wonder that this world has to offer, you can truly learn to appreciate it!
10. The bible says it is GOOD!
To clarify, the bible does not say that marriage is bad. On the contrary, Paul tells us that marriage is good and pleasing to God. However, the part that most people tend to forget is that the bible doesn’t say singleness is bad either.
In 1 Corinthians 7: 8 Paul tells us “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” He then goes on in verses 32-35 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Basically Paul says that it’s good if you are married, but it’s also good if you are single because you’re devotion and aim in life is to please God and not tend to a spouse. Both singleness and marriage were created by God and BOTH are EQUALLY good! One is not better than the other, they are merely different. And this is my final reason to love being single, because singleness is just as loved by God as a healthy, God centered marriage.
While there may be many reasons to hope for marriage one day, there are just as many reasons to enjoy this season of singleness in your life right now. Don’t let this time pass by without fully capitalizing on this gift (and it is truly a gift) from God. Don’t snub your nose at this time that you’ve been given. Use it wisely to bring glory to God. Once you’re in a marriage, everything changes, and your time and energy will be spent fostering other things. So make sure that you have a strong foundation of who you are and who you truly belong to before you enter into the next stage that God has planned for you.
So what’s your reason to love being single?