In our modern world full of every influence imaginable, we will inevitably be exposed to both positive and negative messages. Our society tends to thrive on capitalizing on the fears and insecurities that people have. Marketers use those insecurities to sell us their products. People use those fears to exploit our emotions and manipulate us. And satan tries to use those insecurities and fears to drive a wedge between us and our ever loving Father.
When you’re single, some of these lies can hit you hard and make you question things that you know to be true, even the truth in the bible. Over the years I’ve struggled with my singleness and I’ve thrived in my singleness. The main thing that has drawn the line between struggling and thriving has been whether or not I’ve chosen to believe the lies that the world has fed me. It’s difficult to identify the lies if you’re not consciously looking for them, so today I’m going to describe 7 examples of lies that singles commonly believe.
- “Being in a relationship/ being married will make my life complete.”
Ask anyone who’s in a relationship or marriage and they will confirm to you that maintaining a romantic relationship is not always fun and games. Whats more, depending on the quality of the relationship, some spouses can feel just as lonely and unfulfilled as their single friends if the relationship isn’t maintained properly. The other factor to consider is that, as humans, we are always looking for “the next best thing.” So once people are married, they show a spike in happiness around the wedding day, but then gradually tend to return to the same level of happiness they experienced when they were single. Then they eventually look for the next thing, such as buying a house, having children, advancing at work. We’re never satisfied with what we have, especially if we don’t look for everlasting satisfaction in Jesus. God is the only constant that we can truly count on in our lives. And when you rely on another person to “complete” your life, you will always be sorely disappointed because people are imperfect. People make mistakes. People let us down. God is the opposite. Our perfect heavenly Father is ALWAYS with us and He has offered us all the gift of His grace and love to fill our hearts and complete the hole that we all feel inside. So you don’t need to be married to live a fulfilling and complete life, you just need a foster the relationships you already have as well as building a true and healthy relationship with God.
- “I haven’t prayed hard enough about it/ God isn’t listening to my prayers”
I’m sure that most singles feel like we haven’t prayed harder about anything in our lives than finding a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/ wife. I prayed for YEARS every night for God to give me a boyfriend. The problem was not how HARD I prayed, because I was quite fervent and diligent in my prayers with God. Begging, pleading, crying. The problem, I’ve come to realize, was in HOW I was praying. I wasn’t aligning my prayers with God’s will, I was attempting to use my prayers to persuade God that I needed a boyfriend because I felt that I knew what was best for me and He just wasn’t listening. It took me many, many, many years to realize that I needed to change my attitude and actually submit myself to God’s will. I had always said that I was “giving it over” to God, but I never even came close to submitting it to Him. Not really. I persistently thought that I knew what was best for me and what was best for me was a boyfriend. Needless to say, this did not foster a very understanding relationship with God (on my end) and I just grew increasingly frustrated. I was unknowingly allowing satan to wedge himself between me and God by feeding me the lie that I wasn’t praying hard enough and God was not listening to my prayers anyway. Once I became more aware of it, I changed my prayer to follow what God’s plan was for me and for God to change my heart to follow what His plan and desire for my life was from that point onward. While it didn’t change immediately, with persistence in this new prayer I was able to find myself becoming more content in where God had me and I’ve been thriving ever since. So remember, it’s not about how HARD you’re praying to God, He’s hearing your cries, it just may be that He’s waiting for you to truly submit your desires to Him and giving up the possibility that He may actually change your heart to be more in line with what He’s calling you to do.
- “I am dispensable.”
Many singles feel this way at one point or another. Whether you’ve been dumped or just overlooked by someone you’re interested in, we’ve all felt tossed to the side at one point in our past. This is another lie that feeds off of our insecurities about being wanted, desired, and loved. The truth of the matter is, we have all been formed by God to do His purpose, so we are in fact indispensable to God.
Ephesians 2:10 states “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
God had a vision for you from the moment you were created. This purpose is something that only you can do. He formed not only your brain, body, and soul, but also the job that He created for you. So you’re not dispensable because you are the only you there is and God loves you for it!
- “I am alone.”
In those quiet moments, usually when you’re trying to fall asleep, this quiet little lie will creep its way in and set off a snowball that will knock you down if you’re not diligent to combat it. The truth is that, as cliche as it sounds, you’re never alone. Even at night, when you’re lying awake surrounded by the dark, God is with you. Holding you, drying your tears, and cheering you on. If you’re careful to observe around you, you’ll also likely discover that you have other people in your life who can help you to lead a fulfilling life. Your friends, family members, church, work colleagues, neighbors, etc. are all people who can be a support system. I’m also a big fan of pets, who always prove to me that I am never really alone. Even when it feels like you’re the only one struggling and you don’t have anyone to turn to, if you search hard enough, there is likely someone out there that you can talk to through those lonely times. That may even be why God brought you to this blog, to see that you are not alone in your single struggles.
- “God has forgotten me.”
This one’s a doozie. When I was in college and surrounded by most of my friends who had either found their future husband or were actively searching for one (i.e. dating around), I felt completely left behind. I had never felt so ignored or forgotten by guys and those feelings ended up bleeding into how I felt about God. Those feelings had translated from feeling ignored by guys to feeling ignored by God. It felt like He had given everyone else what they wanted and forgot about me. The truth of the matter is, simply, that He did not think having a relationship at that time was in my best interest and therefore was not part of His plan.
Isaiah 49: 15-16 states “The LORD answers, “Can a woman forget the baby she nurses? Can she feel no kindness for the child to which she gave birth? Even if she could forget her children, I will not forget you. See, I have written your name on my hand.” (New Century Version)
God does not and cannot “forget” any of us. He would never have the capacity to do so. God is perfect and He made you, so it stands to say that He would never forget you, just like a mother cannot forget a child that she is actively caring for. He would not have made you in His image, just to ignore your presence.
- “I am unworthy of love.”
It’s easy to feel unworthy. Social media, advertisements, passive aggressive comments from family members all help to feed into the lie that we are somehow unworthy of experiencing love. When we fact check those lies with the truth from the bible, we see that God created us to be loved.
Job 34:19 “[God] is not nicer to princes than other people, nor kinder to rich people than poor people, because he made them all with his own hands.” (New Century Version)
John 3:16 “God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in him may not be lost, but have eternal life.”
Ephesians 2:4-5 “But God’s mercy is great, and He loved us very much. Though we were spiritually dead because of the things we did against God, He gave us new life with Christ. You have been saved by God’s grace.”
Humans are imperfect. We are full of pride and greed and jealousy. We can often be terrible at showing love to each other and many people thrive on making others feel less than so that they feel elevated. God is the only constant source of love. When we turn to other people for love or to feel “worthy” we will always be let down. God IS love and He has made a way for us to experience His purest form of love through our hope in Jesus.
- “I am unwanted.”
Feeling unwanted can stem from any number of life experiences, but the truth of the matter is, God made you because He WANTED you. He put you on this planet in this specific time, in this specific place because He wanted you to be a part of His plan and His family. God spent months intricately weaving our DNA before were even born to make us just what He needs and exactly the way He wants us to be. People are fallible and often don’t show appreciation for the things that they have, which can lead others to feel unwanted. God will gladly show you how much He wanted you if you will meet Him in your quiet time and discover His promises for you in the scriptures.
Psalm 139: 15-16 “You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother’s body. When I was put together there, you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.”
Luke 12:7 “But God even knows how many hairs you have on your head.”
One of my favorite passages in the bible is in Luke when Jesus talks about how God takes care of the birds.
Luke 12:24 “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest, they don’t have storerooms or barns, but God feeds them. And you are worth much more than the birds.”
If God made the birds and willingly takes care of them, why wouldn’t He also take care of you because you mean more to Him than any other creature He’s created. Just in case you’re not catching what I’m throwing at you let me spell it out… God WANTED you. He MADE you. And He will PROVIDE for you.
I hope that this post has given you some insight into the lies that many single people believe. We may not always be aware of them and we may not even realize that they are lies, but just know that God doesn’t want you to feel any less than others because you are single. You’re not forgotten, you ARE wanted, and you are exactly where God wants you to be at this very moment. So turn to God for His truth and use His power that lies in you to help combat the lies that you may be believing.